


That's Not What 'F' Stands For

by Mrs_Monaghan



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: A short sum' sum'n, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Parent-Teacher Conference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:31:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8504362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Monaghan/pseuds/Mrs_Monaghan
Summary: "Thank you for coming in.""Of course Ms. Pratt,  what's this about?""Yeah man, what's this 'emergency'?""We were going through alphabets yesterday and... Yevgeny said a bad word.""For fuck's sake. We are not the six year olds you gotta tolerate every fucking day. Fucking spit it out and use adult fucking words.""God dammit Mick."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _”Fuckin’ A,” Mickey sighs and his tentative smile blows up in a startled laugh when Yevgeny reaches for his face and tries to pinch his lips together. It’s Sunny and that fucking preschool messing with the kid, Mickey is sure of it, making him think there’s something wrong with utilizing the full spectrum of the English language, in all its richness and color. Most of the time it would seem he’s so used to Mickey’s potty mouth that he doesn’t even notice it, but then suddenly it’s like he remembers which words are the **bad words,** and better fucking believe he takes any and all opportunity to act the adult and correct his old man._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> That is a paragraph from **Chptr 5** of **White Swallow** by Loftec.
> 
> It's what inspired this one-shot.  
> amazing story by an even amazing-er writer. 
> 
>  
> 
> #enjoy!

"Thank you for coming in." Ms. Pratt Yevgeny's kindergarten teacher welcomes them as soon as they walk into the colourful classroom. 

Ian and Mickey take the two chairs in front of her. Ian is curious to know why Yevgeny's note said they had to come in as soon as possible. "Of course Ms. Pratt, what's this about?"

"Yeah man, what's this 'emergency'?" Mickey interjects impatiently. He's got shit to do after all. 

"Well," Ms. Pratt shifts uneasily in her chair. 

"Sometime today lady." Mickey says and receives two in sync glares. 

"We were going through alphabets yesterday and... Yevgeny said a _bad word._ "

"For fuck's sake. We are not the five and six year olds you gotta tolerate every fucking day. Fucking spit it out and use adult fucking words."

"God dammit Mick." Ian ducks his head as he deliberates if he could live without the other man if he chooses to suffocate him now. 

"MR. MILKOVICH LANGUAGE!"

Mickey rolls his eyes and makes a show of zipping his lips. 

 

•••

_Twenty Four Hours Ago_

 

"Good morning class." 

"Good morning Ms. Pratt!"

"Good, good. Okay so," she starts to write the alphabet on the blackboard. "today we are going to go through our alphabets." the classroom cheers. "You like that, don't you? Okay so we will start from here," she points to the first kid in the row. "and then go round. When a letter gets to you, you say what it stands for. For example Jean, you start." the teacher says and points at the letter _a_

"A for Apple!"

"Good. Very good. Adam?"

"B for Ball."

"C for cat."

"D for dog."

"Very good. I see you've been doing your homework. If all of you get this right I will get you guys something nice." cheers. "Okay, Sally?" Ms. Pratt points at the letter _e_.

"E for Egg."

"F for fuck."

The entire class gasps and Ms. Pratt looks at Yevgeny her mouth agape. "Yevgeny,"

"Yes Ms. Pratt?"

Ms. Pratt scratches her forehead and looks around the classroom wondering how to remedy Yevgeny's mistake. She tries to ignore it. "Moving on, Grace?" she asks pointing at the letter _g_.

"But Ms. Pratt, my mom and dad told me that the _F word_ is a bad word." one of the quiet kids Dimitri at the back of the class states. 

"It is."

A loud silence fills the class as confused students look at her. 

"Okay look, recess everyone."

"But we just got here." 

"Recess Sally!" she shouts and the entire class scrambles out of the class hurriedly. "Not you Yevgeny."

 

•••

 

Ian is making dinner for his family of three when Yevgeny walks in. "Heeeeeey Yevy, how was school."

Yevgeny shrugs and sits at the kitchen table. "Here dad, Ms. Pratt told me to give you this." he hands Ian the note and digs into the after school pudding Ian places in front of him. 

"What is it?" Ian asks as he takes a seat across from his son. "Yev, why does your teacher want to see me and your father and I quote, as soon as possible?"

Yevgeny shrugs again and tilts his bowl so he can make sure the bowl is empty. "I don't know."

Ian titls his head. "Really? Your teacher needs to see us urgently and you have no idea why?"

"Yeah, one minute we.. we were doing the alphabet, then Ms. Pratt is yelling at us to... to go to recess." he wipes a hand across his mouth. "And then she's giving me a note to bring to you." he shrugs again innocently.

Ian leans back on his chair and studies his six year old son. He clearly did something if his teacher wants to see them. But how come he doesn't know what he did wrong? 

 

 

•••

 

"What do you think he did?" Ian asks his partner that night as they get ready for bed. 

"I don't know man. But I bet it's nothing, making a fucking mountain out of an ant hill kind of thing."

"I don't know." Ian voices as they settle in with his hand around Mickey. "It sounds serious."

"Well, we'll find out tomorrow. And she better make it fast. I have a fucking important client coming in at ten."

"Mmm." Ian moans and nuzzles his face against Mickey's neck. "How was work?"

Mickey turns in Ian's arms and faces him. "The usual. Missed you though."

Ian laughs softly. "Missed _you_." right before straddling Mickey and situating himself between his partner's legs. 

Mickey tightens his arms around him and pulls him closer for a kiss. 

 

••••

 

"Let's go little man, find out what it is that you did." Mickey tells his son as he zips up his jacket. "Last time Yevgeny, you sure you don't know why we are being called for a meeting?"

Yevgeny puffs out his cheeks and thinks about it. "Well, before it was my turn to say my alphabet, I pinched May in the arm."

"Why the fuck did you do that?"

"She was throwing spit balls at me."

Mickey sighs, "Okay then, let's go."

 

•

 

They arrive at the school and leave Yevgeny outside then walk into his classroom where Ms. Pratt is waiting for them. 

 

•••

 

_Now_

"Well, I can certainly see why Yevgeny would say what he did!" Ms. Pratt shouts and glares daggers at Mickey. 

"Fuck you." Mickey spits back. 

"Hey calm down! Both of you!" Ian squeezes Mickey's thigh then turns to the teacher. "What did our son say?"

"The kids were going around saying what each alphabet represents." she pauses for effect. "Yevgeny's letter was _F._ "

"Shit." both parents swore.

"Well no, not that one, the other one."

"We get it Nina." Ian says and glances at Mickey who is trying not to laugh. "We are... I don't even know what to say."

"Well I do," Nina starts. "Maybe if your husband would curse less or I don't know, _not at all_ around Yevgeny, he wouldn't think that word was okay."

Mickey groans and stares at the ceiling. He's not gonna argue there. 

"We are not married." Ian mumbles and doesn't miss the look Mickey throws his way. 

"I literally didn't know what to say or do. I was caught by surprise never in my many years of teaching have I ever..."

"Oh shut up, you've only been teaching for three years." Mickey points out not bothering to hide his grin. 

"Still."

"We will talk to him, alright?"

"Please do." Nina says sternly. "I don't want any of my students saying f...f..." she can't say the word. "in my class. What if it gets back to the other parents, huh?"

Mickey is full on laughing now.

"Mickey!"  
"Mr. Milkovich!"

Mickey laughs. "I'm so.. I'm sorry. I can't..."

"Mick get out." Ian orders and Mickey leaves still laughing. Ian shakes his head and turns back to the teacher. "C'mon now Nina, you know how this things are."

"Actually I don't. The language is something that can be avoided. He curses so much Yevgeny doesn't even know it's wrong!" she says pointing outside. 

Ian is not going to dispute that. "I will talk to him." Nina raises both eyebrows. " _Both_ of them."

"Good."

 

•••

 

They are driving back home when Ian decides to bring it up. He gives Mickey a stern look daring him to laugh. 

"So umm... Yev?"

"Yes dad?"

"You know bad words exist right?"

"Sally and May told me I shouldn't have said 'fuck' in class."

"No you shouldn't have."

"Why not? Daddy says it all the time."

Ian looks at Yevgeny from the review mirror and sighs heavily. "Babe?"

Mickey glances at him then turns in his seat to look at their son. "Okay kid look, I... from today, we won't use such words anymore."

"But why?" 

"Because saying the F word is wrong."

"So why do you say it?"

"Because I'm a grown up."

"So I can only say fu... the f word when I grow up." it's a statement.

"Yes." Mickey replies. "Or when you're atleast twelve."

Ian frowns and parks the car on the side of the road. "What? No. Jesus Mick. You never say the f word at all. Not now, not when you grow up, not ever."

Yevgeny nods but still has a scowl on. "What's wrong bud?" Mickey asks.

"I thought..."

"What did you think Yevy?"

"Ms. Pratt wanted any word starting with the letter F."

"That's true but the f word is off limits." Ian tells Yevgeny but he's looking at Mickey. 

"So, K is not for cunt, even though aunt Mandy says it all the time."

"Yes." both dads chorus. 

"That is not the way you spell..." Mickey starts but Ian punches him on the arm. 

"He doesn't need to know how it's spelt."

"And D is not for..." Yevgeny continues.

"That's enough out of you." Ian chastises and Mickey chuckles. 

"I'm beginning to think he _does_ know all the bad words." Ian whispers and Mickey laughs some more.

Now that everything has been settled Ian starts driving again while Mickey texts his client explaining why he's late. Ian hears Yevgeny take a deep breath,

"So I can't say B for bitch?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asante sana for reading.  
> Leave kudos and comments :))
> 
> I'm open for prompts if anyone wants.  
> Find me on tumblr, same name.  
> C u there! 
> 
> Mob luv!!! ❤❤❤


	2. Chapter 2

 When a week goes by where his boyfriend won't stop cursing around Yevgeny or rather doesn’t seem to know how, Ian decides he _has_ to do something. After Yevgeny comes home and finishes his pudding in record time as always, Ian supervises his shower as they wait for Mickey to get home.

“Why can't I go out to play?” Yevgeny asks when Ian refuses him to leave.

“Because we are waiting for your dad.”

“Why?”

“I am holding a family meeting.”

Yevgeny reaches for the remote and starts surfing. “We’ve never had one of those.”

“Well, we do now.” Ian places his feet on the table then texts his boyfriend to find out how far out he is.

 

  * ••



 

Mickey gets home and kisses both his boys ‘hello’ before heading upstairs to shower and change into comfortable, homey clothes. He can't help but let out a small chuckle at the idea of Ian holding a family meeting. It sounds so formal and so… not them. They are Southside, they don’t do fucking family meetings. Growing up, Mickey could count the number of times his siblings were in the house at the same time. But the more he thinks about it, he remembers that yes, Gallaghers held fucking family meetings all the time.

He recalls Mandy telling him about the one they’d held right before paying him and his brothers to go beat up some cousin who was trying to steal their house.

Good times.  

“Alright.” Mickey uncaps a bottle of beer before dropping on the couch between his son and his boyfriend –who keeps insinuating he would rather have the title ‘husband’ instead but Mickey is still not sure how he feels about that. “Fuck’s this about?”

“That.” Ian gets up. “That right there.”

Yevgeny giggles. “What?” Mickey asks.

“Daddy, you said a bad word.” His son laughs again while Ian heads to the kitchen.

“Ah, shit.” Mickey sighs.

“You did it again!” Yevgeny is laughing now, clearly amused by his father’s lack of self-control.

Ian comes back with a clear, medium sized jar and Mickey already knows where this is going. “What’s that dad?” Yevgeny inquires curiously.

Ian places the thing on the coffee table then sits on the opposite couch so he's facing his family. “This, is a swear jar Yevgeny. For every time someone uses a bad word, they put a dollar in there.” He says looking pointedly at Mickey before turning to their son. “That means you have to work extra hard not to curse because all you have are three pennies.”

Yevgeny shakes his head. “I'm not the one who has to work extra hard not to use a bad word.” He points at Mickey then winks at Ian, making the redhead laugh.

“You’re right.” He says as they both look at Mickey who's rolling his eyes at how fucking ridiculous this all is.

“Where will the money go?” their son asks.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Ian replies, leaning back.  

“Can I have a new bike?” Yevgeny inquires hopefully.

“You already have two fuc- two bikes.” Mickey amends when the hardest glare gets thrown his way.

“It’s not my fault I keep getting taller!” Yevgeny defends.

“Yeah.” Mickey scoffs. “It’s your mother’s fault. That fucking…” Mickey trails off when he glances at the swear jar at the same time Yevgeny shoots off his sit excitedly.  

He grabs Ian’s hand and shakes it, hard. “Is the swear jar working yet? Because that’s a dollar from dad!”

“Yes, yes it is.” Ian nods and their son grabs the jar then practically hits Mickey's face with it in the haste to shove the jar at him.

“That’s a dollar in the swear jar dad!”

“You’re enjoying this too much.” Mickey mumbles even as he digs inside his pockets.

“I'm gonna get a new bike sooner than I thought.” Yevgeny smiles.  

“This is bullshit, we all know I'm the one who’s gonna fill this fucking thing.”

“Starting now. That’s two more dollars dad.”

Ian laughs as Yevgeny enjoys milking Mickey of his money. This was a great idea. Mickey has always been strict about his spending so hopefully this will minimize his cursing to their bedroom only.

Mickey frowns down at their son. “Thought you were having problems with math.”

Yevgeny peeks into the jar even though it just has three dollars. “Not with my money.”

Ian laughs. “Your money, huh?” Mickey flips him off since Yevgeny is otherwise preoccupied and the redhead nods towards the jar, wordlessly threatening him.

Mickey puts the beer down to flip him off with both hands.

They're off to a great start.


End file.
